*Spoilers if you’ve not seen the shows mentioned*
Come on you know like me you don’t like change yourself.
This Wednesday post was suppose to be seasonal which I’ll get around to getting out, but by the end of this week I’ll be a depressed wreck. Writing this now will help me honestly now in a few days I won’t feel like writing this at all. Over the last three weeks I’ve been tossing over a important decision which will shift change and that is something for those who have been there, you can never handle. The word change to me floods overwhelming anxiety inside of me, instead of excitement. I am a person who will deny change no matter if others tell me, “change is good for you” that fed line ugh. It takes me forever to process of any new occurrence that’s happened in my life. Decision making is something that drives me to the edge, as being so indecisive just places fear of making the wrong one, then change comes.
Two characters whom both themselves aren’t a fan of change but both were different on how they approached this feeling. Which is why I found myself relating to both as one denied change completely and the other denied at first but began to open up. Futaba from Amanchu is a very shy, insecure girl at the beginning, moving to a new place not knowning noone. Moving to a new place is scary as hell, countries is worst, everything feels like an alien world to you. In episode nine “The Story of The Memories You Can’t Erase” really hit home for me, Futaba held a lot of her memories on her phone. The episode was surrounded of how her phone memory was completely full, wanting to take pictures with the others. But she didn’t want to delete any past photos of her old friends.
Memories were very important to Futaba, her attachment to her phone was a sign of that. She was scared from moving to a new place, with all the new wonderful people and ambitions she had discovered. All this sudden change made her feel so distant from her old friends, it bothered her greatly the further away they grew apart. I dare say you all have looked through your photos of memories, that make you want to hit the delete button, some you can’t erase. You’ll feel like connection with those people will be forever gone, making you realise how much has maybe changed around you.
I can totally understand of where Futaba was coming from, course her friends in the episodes fixed that issue for her. At the start like Futaba your hesitant of new things, not wanting change to take over, feeling like you’ll just drift away from previous connections. But Hikari’s optimistic nature was infectious and made Futaba see of new things in a more exciting light. Many a times I’ve been there where Futaba hesitant and meeting only special people that can reassure you, change doesn’t have to always be scary.
Futaba I half related on a level with but not as much as Chisaki from Nagi no Asukara. She’s exactly like a representation when I deny change, that feeling is displayed strongly throughout the whole series. Chisaki treasured her friendship with Manaka, Kaname and Hikari, being only middle school she wanted things to stay the way they were forever. Afraid of when they all grew up nothing would be the same, that feeling constantly stabbed away at her. In the series there is a strong love triangle among the cast of characters, Chisaki had always loved Hikari for the longest time but would never make them clear. Again the fear of her friendships would be ruined and feeling of not having the right to speak your mind.
You think of when you might have been a similar position like Chisaki. There’s nothing worse than say you and your friend both like the same boy for example. Each will be thinking identically “If I say something, will I ruin what we have”? When that aspect of loving comes into the mix of friendships, it creates unnecessary tension. I hate human emotions at times for this. Seeing this happen through Chisaki eyes is really captivatingly sad as she holds her friendship so tight around her heart, like a piece of rope, afraid it could snap at any second.
The worst ordeal during the series Chisaki had to face when the entire sea village she was from went into hibernation of the sea god needing a sacrifice all of her friends were froze over. Only her and earth land Tsumugu are saved her being froze over, fast track five years, older Chisaki worst fear is realized when she finds out Hikari her childhood crush has awoken. But Hikari is still the same age, Chisaki just can’t face him, all the feelings of from what she thought as a child come rushing back. She put herself in a more denial place of change than ever at her older age, you could question if she was just being childish all along. But it’s not childish at all, nothing with having your own desire for nothing to change. Chisaki was lucky to have Tsumugu their to carry her along, I envy her on that level.
What she feared most was Hikari’s reaction to how things were now and her being older. Would it all be too much in the end? Would she have to say goodbye to everyone? I want to imagine she had thoughts like that racing through her mind, I know I would have. Anyone would, you can never get back of what has past but being fed the lines of moving forward gravely irritate me. For those who can say that so easily, each person deals with any change occurrence, there’s no right or wrong. Any option I would take is runaway if I could, I’d like to runaway nice if possible but the lingering of feeling of not doing anything just eats away at you. Chisaki had a choice to run away or face Hikari, sure if she had not been forced, I would have run away.
I’m sure if Chisaki had the power of time she would gladly stop time back to that promised day, her fears were realised. Of what Chisaki went through, I am feeling her frustration and tears right at this moment as I write this. As I described at the beginning of this post change has overcast me also. Chisaki has become of my favourite characters of all time, because were one in the same, our denial for change will never shift to easily. We both need lots of time to process any change that comes towards it, doesn’t mean will like it.
Thankyou for those who read this.
I’ll see you all next happier post !!